On making every day special

Can we talk for a minute about the expectations we put on ‘special days’, and how there might be a better way?

It’s 8.32am on Mother’s Day as I write this and I’ve already been in tears once (not the good kind).

I didn’t think I had expectations for today. In fact, my husband is working in our cafe and my gift this year is a very generous (and rare) 2 days away to myself later this week. So on this particular day I didn't plan anything.

And yet, I realise now I had hidden expectations, that today would be ‘about me’.

My 5 year old gave me some adorable handmade gifts that he’s been hiding all week. His excitement was a gift in itself! So we were off to a good start.

The problem arose when I decided we should go out somewhere, maybe even just to the beach. It’s a beautiful day! There’s also a gorgeous spot on the beach where I could get a coffee and some brekky and my 5yo could play in the sand, which he loves. What a way for mama to spend her morning!

Then the negotiating (with my 5yo) began, while I was also posting to social media for our cafe, at the same time as he ‘trapped’ our dog (a game he likes to play), as I remembered my mum, who I lost when I was 15, and as I ordered our groceries for pick up later today (which I forgot to do last night), while I got ready to go out, and as I also asked my son to get ready.

There was a lot happening at once, which I’m sure many households can relate to.

The final straw was when I was in the middle of getting ready and tried to leave our bedroom to start breakfast (by now he’d won the ‘let’s go to the skate park’ argument) and I couldn’t, because I ‘wasn’t allowed’ to move the chairs that trapped the dog.

It all rose up in me and I couldn’t contain it.

I growled - loudly - as I turned away from my 5yo.

And then I was in tears.

Frustrated.

Angry.

Sad.

Annoyed.

Ashamed.

Regretful.

And the rest.

And I realised. Apparently I did expect something of today. And that this, in combination with all the other stuff going on, had resulted in some pain.

As I thought “but today is a day that’s an opportunity for me to be treated, for me to do what’s in my heart for once, to feel appreciated and supported”… I quickly realised, “Wait. I get to feel that way any day, because I deserve to.”

And so this message started to form in my heart and my mind…

It doesn’t have to be a special day, to recognise your needs and wants. In fact, it shouldn’t.

You get to feel appreciated, supported, and available to your desires because you do.

And if you feel resistant to that for some reason, that’s a place to start. Have a think about why you might be resistant. (Hint: it could be unworthiness, difficulty speaking up, unclear boundaries… among many other reasons).

If this ignites a flicker for you and you’d like some support working through it, check out my 1-1 coaching. For the rest of May 2023, I’m offering sessions at a super low rate (ignore my pricing page), as I gear up to graduate as a Feminine Embodiment Coach. Or DM me on IG (@_messymagic).

While I do believe Mother’s Day is an opportunity to show the women who look after us how much they mean to us, it most certainly shouldn’t be the only day.

And now I’m off to finish getting ready, bundle up my 5yo, and head out for a coffee before taking him to the skate park. I’ll be spending my day with family, immersing myself in love, remembering my mum, and reminding myself of my values (which are not tied to ‘special days’).

If Mother’s Day is hard for you for any reason, my heart is with you. Take it easy on yourself today, give yourself whatever you need, and always remind yourself that you’ve got you xx